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I've actually gotten a few emails asking about my minivan. What did I get? A few people even guessed. Here's the totals:

• Eight people thought I got another Caravan. Some said because they thought I'd get a great deal on it. Others because it is the uncoolest thing to do.
• Eleven people figured I'm the type of person who'd get whatever Consumer Reports said, and therefore, I'd get a Honda Odyssey.
• Four banked on the Toyota Sienna
• A whopping 138 thought I'd like to get some cheap Vi*gra

So what did you get Uncle David? I got a Odyssey.

The most amazing part of my experience is how desperate car salesmen are to get you to do a test drive. I mean, this is a minivan and not a GTI or a Porsche.

Salesman: So what do you think? It handles real well. Doesn't it?
Me: Well, I guess it does for a minivan.
Salesman: Takes corners like a champ!
Me: I guess it does considering it must weigh 3000 pounds.
Salesman: Yup, it's a blast to drive that thing.
Me: Are you sure we were both in the same car?
Salesman: Um... You noticed all those cup holders?

So what was my take on this whole thing?

Dodge Caravan SXT

The Dodge was the dark horse in this race. Its design is fairly old, and Chrysler's quality control on its minivans is pretty poor. However, I owned a Dodge Caravan, and I understand that even a car with a poor record isn't all that bad. Besides, not only was Dodge a bit cheaper, but they also had a few incentives to go with it:

• $3000 Cash Rebate
• 0% Financing
• $750 Cash Loyalty Bonus
• A date with Jessica Simpson
• Look, I've got another $20 in my pocket and about a 70, no 73 cents change. You can have that too. Just please buy the car.

The problem with the Dodge was the seat. The Grand SXT had stowaway middle bucket seats, a nice feature, but it had some unfortunate consequences. Neither the third nor the middle seats moved, and there wasn't much room between the two as it was. Worse, the middle row seats sat right on the floor which meant that the occupants in the third row of seats couldn't put their feet under the second seat. There simply wasn't any leg room in the third row of seats. With three teenage boys, someone has to sit in the third seat, and whoever it is won't have any legroom.

The only choice was to go down to the shorter non-grand version of the Caravan which had bench seats in the third and second row. Not really all that bad. That's what we had in our old Caravan. The seats are heavy and hard to maneuver, but I do have three strong boys to help. The problem is that the Caravan doesn't come with traction control or side airbags. Besides, I'm not that crazy about Jessica Simpson anyway.

Toyota Sienna

Nothing was wrong with the car. It was a problem with the dealers. Toyota dealers think they have the greatest cars in the world. They actually might, but they believe their cars are so good, you'd simply cannot imagine buying another car.

A few years ago, I was buying a family passenger car and was looking at both the VW Passat and the Toyota Camry. I had already a really good price on the Passat, and I really loved the way the Passat handled. The Toyota drove like the car a daddy with three kids would like to drive: Quite, soft, and vanillaish. The Passat was a blast to drive.

Still, I had all of the information about incentives and wholesale and invoice prices. The Toyota was not only had a cheaper sticker price, but its invoice price was $1000 less. Plus, Toyota was giving a $1500 dealer's incentive. It wouldn't be difficult for the dealer to easily beat the deal I had on the Passat. And, being a responsible adult who doesn't let himself be ruled by emotions, I realized I would have no choice, but to buy the Camry.

The dealer immediately went into a little song and dance on what Toyotas command in the market, and how most dealers actually sell Toyotas for over the sticker price, but being such a big dealer, he usually sells Toyotas just at the sticker price. However, he knows I'm a smart guy, and I know how to deal. Besides, he likes the cut of my jib. Therefore, he'll actually give me $350 off the list price, but only if I promise I can take the car that very second!

I told him I knew that Toyota was giving him a $1500 dealer incentive for selling the car.

"But that's a dealer's incentive!", he replied.

I then informed him I actually had a quote for a VW Passat, a car that I actually liked better, for $1000 less, and the Passat has a sunroof and his Toyota didn't.

He gave me a rather strange look. "What's wrong with this guy?", he was thinking. "Out of the goodness of my heart, I am offering him to sell him a Toyota, and he's not taking this great opportunity? Maybe he's ill. That's right, there must be some sort of mental illness. The guy is delusional. Poor man! I really feel sorry fo him."

Then in quite seriousness, he offered to take another $200 off the price, but he'd have to talk to his boss first. His boss might go for that, but before he did, I'd have to commit myself to the car. That made the Toyota only $800 more than the better equipped VW Passat. I left the dealer and bought the Passat.

Imagine my surprise when this very same scenario played out not in one, but in three other Toyota dealers. I already had a written quote on the price of the Honda Odyssey. At each dealer, they gave me the same pitch:

1. Most Toyota dealers sell their cars over sticker price.
2. Being the biggest dealer in the area, we normally sell our cars at sticker price.
3. But because we like you, we will (if you promise not to tell another soul) sell you a brand new Toyota for $380 off the sticker price!

In each dealer, I told them I already had a written quote on the Honda for $2000 less. In each dealer, they offered to take off a few more dollars, but they'd have to get the approval of their sales manager, and I would have to commit myself to buy the car before they'd do that. In each case, they had that same confused look on their face when I walked out, as if they can't believe that someone would refuse the opportunity to buy a car from them.

Honda Odyssey

Let's face it, it's a nice car. Three zone air conditioning. Two electric sliding doors. The middle seat has a special jumper seat that allows you to sit three in relative comfort. This means when we go camping, the three boys sit in the middle, and the last row of seats is folded into the floor and we fill up the back with camping gear.

What I really like is the way the third row folded with a single smooth motion. Very simple. The Dodge took several steps which entailed pulling various numbered straps. The Dodge reminded me of the old Polaroid Land Cameras -- the ones you had to pull the numbered straps in the correct order to get your picture. I also like the fact that the second row windows do roll down. However, not all is skittles and beer.

Major Honda Boo Boos

• Steering Wheel adjusts, but doesn't telescope: How in the world can this be? This isn't an economy car. It is full of things I never asked for. You'd think Honda could have spent another $5 and made a steering wheel that telescopes.
• Dashboard lights always on: My Passat has running lights which are in fact more powerful than the headlights. I sometimes forget to turn on my lights because they're already on! Not really a problem. The Honda is different. It doesn't have daytime running lights (except the models for Canadian sales). However, the dashboard lights are always on. I've driven the car many times at night forgetting to turn the headlights on because I assume they're already on! Who thought of this idea?
• Gearshift: The gearshift is on the dash which isn't all that bad. What's bad is that there is no indicator of the gear on the shifter knob. Yes, they have the little letters, "P", "R", "N", "D", etc. However, in most cars, the letter lights up when you put the shifter in that gear. Not the Honda. Instead, the indicator what gear you're in is on the left side of the dash.

I guess if this are all of the problems I have with the car, it's pretty good.

I warned you, but no, you were living your comfortable lives and did nothing to stop me. I just bought a new minivan.

A few days before I bought my minivan, I saw a new ad for Navy recruiting. It shows a bunch of young, muscular young men doing manly things like getting wet up to their necks in swampy water as they are dropped from choppers, carrying really big guns, and making grimacing faces. All this was going on while hard rock music was being played in the background. Okay typical recruiting stuff so far.

Then came the clincher. A voice over at the end said "And to think, somewhere some guy is buying a minivan." That's right, join the Navy or your just a unpatriotic, un-American, minivan driving, French speaking wimp.

So, that got me thinking, what are the advantages of minivans over SUVs and visa-versa? First the Minivans' advantages:

• Better gas milage
• Roomier
• More cargo room
• Better handling
• Safer
• Less likely to roll over in a crash
• Better built and requires fewer repairs
• Cheaper to buy
• Cheaper to own
• Cheaper to insure

And now SUVs:

• Are you kidding? SUVs are way cooler looking than minivans. Arnold Schwarzenegger has six SUVs -- not six minivans. And, you know he's cool 'cause his name is Arnold.
• I know this friend of mine, and he has a cousin whose next door neighbor bought a minivan, and his balls shunk and fell off. No, really!

Okay, so we...

• Wait! One more thing. Let's say it snows like two feet, and there's a blizzard outside, and you find out you're out of milk, and the roads aren't plowed. Wait, and the only way to get to the store is over this mountain range and there's this river, but the bridge is out. If you had an SUV, you could go out in the middle of a blizzard and pick up the milk. If you owned a minivan, you'd be stuck inside your house and have to eat your cornflakes dry.

I was going to give the win to minivans, but that last point clinches it. SUVs are way cooler. And, don't forget to join the navy.

Every once in a while, my son leaves his phone lying around, and being the concerned, caring father I am, I carefully pick it up and change the ring tone.

I figure it's my fatherly duty to introduce my son to other forms of music. For example, I once changed his ringtone to Simon and Garfunkle's 59th Street Bridge Song. I made sure to got the "Do-it do-it feelin' groovy" section in there.

Another time, it was Puffy AmiYumi's Fan Club. He really loved that one.

Well, I was pondering what other musical catagories to introduce him to (Polka? Disco?), and along comes the Cylinder Preservation and Digitzation Project!

Think about it, these were the original pop songs (or, since they were on wax cylinders, the original pop and hiss songs). What better way to expand my son's musical horizons than to let him listen to such gems as Adelina, the Yale Boola Girl?

Now, where did he put that phone?

From Fat Pie, here's The Latest Model.

Talking about The Latest Model, I'm taking the day off to go new car shopping. Gotta get the latest Dodge minivan. Unfortunately, all the car dealers are closed on Sundays due to blue laws. This makes it pretty difficult to shop on the weekend, so I'm taking a day off to shop around. Yup, a whole day of going around and talking to car salesmen. I can't wait.

Another from my sister:

http://freeinternetpress.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=6225

Quote: The FCC also found that the Martin Scorsese-produced documentary "The Blues: Godfathers and Sons" was indecent because it aired profanity. Aired on a non-commercial, educational channel in San Mateo, California, it contained "numerous obscenities, including the F-Word, the S-Word and various derivatives of those words," the FCC said. The station was fined $15,000.

Democratic FCC Commissioner Jonathan S. Adelstein dissented from the decision on the documentary. He argued that the obscenities had a role to play in fully depicting the culture and context of the blues world. "It is clear from a common sense viewing of the program that coarse language is part of the culture of the individuals being portrayed," Adelstein wrote in a statement.

Editorial: http://blogs.kansascity.com/tvbarn/2006/03/memo_to_kevin_m.html

My sister told me about this one. She works for the State of Texas Legislature's research staff and was Googling to find some information about the Meth problem in the U.S. Below is a picture based upon the results of Google's Adwords:

No Wonder Shopping.com is such a popular site

My sister told me about this one. She works for the State of Texas Legislature's research staff and was Googling to find some information about the Meth problem in the U.S. Below is a picture based upon the results of Google's Adwords:

No Wonder Shopping.com is such a popular site

w00kie might have too much time on his hands, but at least he put it to good effect.

The Transparent Computer Screen

Since I know potential employers might find this page (especially if they google me), I try to keep it pretty clean. Nothing too controversial, no name calling, etc.

However, I now realize that if I want to attract any attention, I must have a link to something rude.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned I was upset about finding that my name has ended up on list of old geezers. Somehow, I am now on the mailing list for Dr. Leonard's. This is a catalog for such things as special walkers with built in chairs. Grabber hands, so you can pick up things without bending down, support socks, and designer adult diapers. It's bad enough getting this catalog. What's worse is actually going through it and thinking to yourself "Hey, I could use that!"

Now, I find my name is now on the mailing list for that extra fussy and stylish older bachelor. I just received a free copy of Men's Vogue magazine. That's right, Men's Vogue - with a picture of Tiger Woods sitting on the front cover and an invitation to come Inside Tiger's Private Lair.

I am the nerd the other nerds use to pick on in High School. Anything I do is the antithesis of style. A few years ago, I actually ran out and bought a Dodge Caravan. This was no accident. My wife didn't make me buy it. I actually lusted for a minivan for several years. I wanted the three rows of seats. I thought the sliding doors were cool. I was actually debating whether or not to spring for the overhead digital compass. And, to assure you that this did not occur in some sort of fevered state under the influence of the dweeb virus, I am going to buy another one this spring. Do you think this is the type of person who wants to read about SPRING SUITS THAT MEET THE STANDARD - Classic, Cool & Perfectly Cut?

I was noticing this afternoon while I was buying something to read on the train that both the Women's health magazines and the Men's health magazines have a picture of a lightly dressed, well toned babes on the cover. Women want to see such a picture on their health magazines because such a picture promises them that the magazine contains the secrets of having a beautiful well toned body.

Men want to see the same picture on their cover because they like looking at half undressed, well toned babes. Even GQ magazine, a magazine that I assume is suppose to be for the same audience as Men's Vogue, has a picture of a topless Jennifer Ashton on the front cover. And, Men's Vogue? A picture of Tiger Woods inviting you to come to his pad.

For those who are curious what I bought for my train ride home: I bought a copy of the new Spring issue of Scientific American Mind. This is a special edition of Scientific American for people who the regular issue isn't nerdy enough. And, even this magazine has a hot steamy article about the Halle Berry Neuron.

I'll toss my complementary issue of Men's Vogue into the recycling bin unopened. That way, I can skip the How Gay are You? quiz in this issue of Scientific American Mind. Then again, there is one article mentioned on the front cover of Men's Vogue by the loverly Sophie Dahl entitled Me and My Lingerie. Maybe I'll just take a bit of a peek. Right after I read about that Halle Berry neuron.